Reverb#10 - Days Five through Eight

I'm obviously horrible about posting these over the weekend or when I'm working elsewhere. I'm going to try and be better.

December 5 – Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? (Author: Alice Bradley)

I'm not sure I succeeded (yet) but it's a work-in-progress to let go of needing to be needed. One of the things I know I struggle with is taking charge, making sure people check in with me, making sure that I know what's going on with people. In some situations, that's necessary, but I do it with friends, and in the past it's cost me friendships. Not everyone feels the same connections - where sometimes I feel like it's part of a good friendship, others might not see it the same way. It causes rifts, and I have to be wary of how much I try and involve myself. It's still instinctual for me to step in, make my help known...and I need to try and keep that in check.

December 6 – Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it? (Author: Gretchen Rubin)

I'm always knitting. Right now, I'm working through my set of Christmas presents for family white elephant exchanges. I finished a really cozy pair of winter mittens. They turned out so well, I'm going to work on another pair for myself after Christmas.

December 7 – Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011? (Author: Cali Harris)

Everywhere. I found a lot of writing communities this year over on LiveJournal, and I want to keep that up in 2011 - with some better time balances. But community has been everywhere I've been this year, and it's been great. (Especially at gaming events like PAX East and PAX Prime.)

December 8 – Beautifully Different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful. (Author: Karen Walrond)

Today on Facebook there's a meme going around where you give your friends a number and they use that number to post a message about you on their facebook page. I got two amazing ones today, and I'm going to use those because they've completely lifted my spirits.

‎-- a FANTASTIC woman that I adore. I want to hang out with you more, and I think our husbands could really get along too. You are super talented and sweet and SO much fun. I hope you're current issues with idiots brings you bundles of joy. You'd be GREAT at caring for them.

-- You are Alpha Female personified - you take no prisoners and you do it with a grin so that everybody is pretty much okay with it. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you in this next year as you navigate the changes ahead and hoping that it all comes out the way you want it.

Radvent 2010 - Day Eight

Day 8: Creating

Yesterday in the mail, I got a box from Amazon. Inside the box was the new book by Amy Sedaris - Simple Times: Crafts for Poor People. Okay, if you're familiar with Amy Sedaris, you'll know that it's just a big joke. The book is full of crazy crafts and ideas that are all meant to give you a chuckle. I absolutely love it. I'll read this one cover-to-cover just like I did her other book: I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence.

Choose an object to symbolize your creativity and put it in a place you can see it every day.

Everyday when I get to work, I have three different notebooks with me. One of these is my creative note-taking notebook where I can jot down just any old thought that comes into my head. Usually, the notes are things I want to make, or need to do. Right now, I've got it out so I can go over all the Christmas gifts we're buying, or I'm making. It's a big list.

Sometimes it stays in my bag - on extremely busy days - but most days, it's out on my desk where I can see it. Just having it in my line of sight helps me trigger ideas that I need to be thinking about somewhere in the back of my mind. That way, later, when I actually need to work on it, my thoughts are a little more clear.

Radvent 2010 - Day Seven

Day Seven: Playing

I think I've got this one down. Between the video games, the board games, the card games and the shelves and shelves of RPG books, I think Matt and I have gaming COVERED.

Buy something interesting and inexpensive from the end-cap in the toy section. Get one for you and one to share.
Glittery Play-Doh! Hot pink playing cards! A tiny fishing game! Gyroscopes! Balsa wood airplanes!
Schedule 30 minutes to play.

One of the things we're looking forward to about having kids in the house is the ability to share our love of gaming pasttimes with kids. WE LOVE GAMES - reading, writing, playing: you name it, as long as it's gaming related.

Radvent 2010 - Day Six

Day Six: Adventure

I've been on a ton of adventures this year. For the first time ever, I went to Boston and met up with friends. I attended PAX East and recorded a podcast with friends.

Sometime early in the year, we were in St. Louis to visit family, and I got to visit the St. Louis Zoo one afternoon.

In August I went to GenCon with my husband and some of our friends. We'd been before, but I went into it with a much different attitude this year, and had a more relaxed time than I have in the past. While in Indianapolis I went with my friends to the Indy Zoo, which was a great time.

In September, Matt and I went to PAX Prime in Seattle. Met up with some more great friends, played some fun games, and stood in long lines. One night, we just chilled on a rooftop and watched commuter jets fly in with friends. Good times.

For Matt's birthday, we spent our Halloween afternoon at the Topeka, KS zoo - which we'd never been to.

If you haven't been able to tell - I <3 Zoos. I'd only ever been to one major Zoo (and one park/zoo) before this year. I turn into a five year old when I'm at the zoo - I get a little ADD (I want to see everything) and I talk to the animals (yes, I know they can't hear/understand me). So, in that sense I've been on some good adventures. I also got to meet some great friends this year.

Radvent 2010 - Day Five

Day Five: Playlist

(Backdated because I missed the weekend prompts due to teaching classes.)

Dude. I got this. I was planning on putting together a 2010 Playlist in January (and it will be epic. But for now, I'll give you a taste of what's going to be on there.

Write down the soundtrack of your year so far. Play it for someone who loves you.

1) Winter Song - Sara Bareilles & Ingrid Michaelson
This song is absolutely beautiful and conveys a sort of longing that I don't even understand how they put it in there. It's very surprising that I get this attached to a Christmas/Holiday/Seasonal type song. But for serious, you have to give it a listen.

2) Make it Rain - Anouk
To continue the sort of awesome female singer idea. I put this on a Fanmix I did earlier this year, and it's one of those songs that just sort of sticks with you (or it has for me).

3) Not Strong Enough - Apocalyptica
And now for the metal portion of our playlist. But it's metal with strings and well worth the listen, even if you're not a metal fan. Good stuff here.

4) Hurricane - 30 Seconds to Mars (feat. Kanye West)
Last one for now. A little Rock with some Kanye to close things out. This is another one I used for a fanmix this year, but absolutely fell in love with.

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I'll have more when I finish this year's playlist (in January). I'll try and remember to update this space then. :)

Reverb#10 - Days Three & Four

I didn't get to Day Three until it was already late enough to be Day Four, so I'm just putting them together.

December 3 – Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors). (Author: Ali Edwards)

I have no idea. I don't know that I can think of a single moment. However, this year, I have been trying to make an effort to enjoy the smaller things. I've been taking a crazy number of pictures with my phone of sunsets from day to day when the colors or the clouds seem brighter or more clear.

I think each time I take a few minutes to try and take pictures, whether it's from the passenger seat or my back yard, I can take a deep breath and think about the moment.

December 4 – Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year? (Author: Jeffrey Davis)

See above.

But also, not in the way it probably intended, but this whole Foster Care process is constantly a wonder. I mean, there's SO MUCH to think about. Mostly, I'm always amazed at how people and kids make it through this process at all. Through the system at all.

It's not always a positive sense of wonder though, you know? I mean, it's awe and amazement, but not in a happy-feeling sort way. I know that probably the original intent of the question, but that's most of what this year has been for me.

Radvent 2010 - Day Three

Day 3: A Letter

Today is about writing.

Write a letter of love to yourself to read in one year.

Dude. Calm down. Chill out. Take 2 freaking minutes out of your day to breathe, to shut your mind down and just enjoy it. And by god, if you're thinking about a brand new project to work on, stop it right now. Write it down and think about it later - like a lot later.

You always try to do too much you know. I mean, it's okay, it's why I love you, but sometimes you overdo it. I want you to just think about everything you've accomplished in the last year and be happy with it.

I hope that you've accomplished your goals in the past year, but even if you haven't, don't take it hard. You don't need to stress about things you can't change now. Okay, take that break...I'll be here when you're finished.

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Done? Good.

Now, whatever projects you're in the middle of, or about to start. Go for it. I know you can do it, you're awesome. You've got it in you to do whatever you want to, no matter how good or bad you're feeling.

It's almost Christmas, so if you haven't already done so, buy yourself something nice. Even if you're low on funds, take a dollar or two and treat yourself to something you want, something frivolous, something fun.

<3
Me

Reverb#10 - Days One & Two

I'm late to Reverb#10, but since December for me is going to be about getting this blog off the ground - getting me some motivation to get finished with the Foster Care process, I'm jumping into the Reverb#10 spririt.

December 1 One Word.
Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?
(Author: Gwen Bell)

December 2 Writing.
What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?
(Author: Leo Babauta)

Chaos

So much was happening this year. Not in terms of big life milestones sort of things, but I just felt busy all the time. I wouldn't say I overextended myself because I love what I was able to accomplish this year in a lot of places. But, I do feel like I ALWAYS had something going on.

One of the things I continue to think about as we work through the FC process is that I have A LOT of hobbies, many of them keep me busy on weeknights/weekends and sometimes away from the house for days. When we take Foster kids into our home, I know I'm going to have to set many of these things. I think partly with that idea in mind, I took on a lot of hobby related responsibilities (more knitting classes, more writing and involvement in online communities) that I might not be able to sustain later.

When I add my own hobby excess to the fact that my day job underwent some turmoil in the last quarter of the year (and is still going through it), that's a lot of stuff to keep on my mind.

For 2011, I want success, completion, forward-momentum, happiness and stability. I don't know that I can come up with one word for 2011 to focus on right now, but I think all those ideas can be summed for me right now by the word: Calm. I want to take what I enjoyed about 2010 and put some calmness behind it, some peace.

Focus

See the answer to question 1 and the answer will be very similar for this question. I haven't had the focus this year to do anything like I wanted to. Most of that is because of the Chaos I sort of created by giving myself so many projects.

I work best with a half-crazed mentality most of the time - meaning that I like a little chaos, a little pressure (a deadline) to help me get things done. But to echo my earlier comments, I need a little stability to go along with all of my half-baked projects. I need to find the right kind of motivators to keep me on the right track.

My husband is a great asset in this regard, but ending up on our 4th FC worker by this December has slowed the motivation down for both of us on the whole process. I think we've both used the changes as an opportunity to write, to create, to take on new projects. It's actually been a pretty productive year for us both creatively. Though for 2011, I would like us both to work on completion and follow-though for all our projects.

Radvent 2010 - Day Two

Day Two: Organizing

So, today is supposed to be about Organizing. Finding things in our lives or homes that need organization and just finding a small amount of time to organize them.

Focus on one drawer, table, or surface today and spend 15 minutes making it pretty! (And take a pretty picture afterward to motivate yourself!)

Unfortunately, I'm at work today - and my desk is always clear at work (I hate a messy work desk) and I have a class to teach tonight, so my time to organize at home is limited. Plus, I did just go through this past weekend and organize the biggest pile of things needing to be organized - my giant list of games needing a home of some sort.

Second on my list of things to organize is the rest of the paperwork for Foster Care. So in an interest to do something organizational, I'm putting together this list of what we still need to get together, and how it needs to get done.

- Paper with Dimension for the Bedroom, and the window in the bedroom
- Copies of Matt's Drivers License and Insurance, Copy of my Drivers License and Insurance
- Pet Vaccination Records for Sekhi & Sebastian (the Cats), Piper & Jazz (the Dogs)
- Emergency Contact List still needs a hospital phone number (I think?)
- 3 Paystubs to prove Matt's employment
- Should double check that we turned in Matt's health & TB test results
- Written Discipline Policy
- Marriage License (it's around somewhere...)
- Sample Menu (NEW from worker 12/2)
- Vehicle Mechanical Check (NEW from worker 12/2)

Then there's the classes that still remain:
- CPR & First Aid training (someplace that will give us a physical paper certificate when we finish training)
- 2 classes through the website - Matt's done one of these, I haven't done either. Should only take an hour or so over the weekend

Then, I need to try and get an actual appointment set up with the newest (4th) worker so we can have a due date for all this paperwork and training (probably won't get the CPR/FA training in time) done before we meet.

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That's a good starting point. I'll try and keep coming back here to check things off as I get them done/turned in.

Starting with: Email old&new workers to verify the couple of things I'm not sure if we still need to turn in or not; and set up new appointment time.

The Process: Classes

In the state that we live in, the Foster Care and Adoption services are privatized. There's no state organization helping these kids, it's all done through private services. The government gives grants to these organizations helping them run, but even that is minimal.

In order to become a Foster or Adoptive parent, you have to undergo a certification class - 9 weeks, one day evening a week for 3 hours each evening. Our class had two care workers running the class, and a mix of attendees in age, gender, socio-economic status and preference for foster or adoption (or both). Matt and I were the youngest couple of the group (though there was a young woman that came with her mother for the first few weeks -- both of whom dropped after the second or third week). We were also one of the only people in class considering fostering without necessarily adopting. Though we would like to work the Foster-to-Adoption process, it's not a necessity. We're in it to help kids that need help.

Class topics run the range for kids from infancy to teens and talk about the building block foundations of things kids need to have in their lives. Above all things, the class taught us two things (though maybe not purposefully): one - everyone whether they have kids, want kids, or not should have to take this class or a class like it and two - that learning about what kids need and want at different stages of life taught us more about our family and friends than we would've imagined.

Some nights, sitting in class was a chore. It felt like common sense, things everyone should know. But by the end of each session there was always something we took away from the class, even if that thing was that my husband and I needed to adjust what we think of as common sense or common knowledge. It became obvious that what we felt was common sense, wasn't to everyone, not even to people in our class who were embarking on the same or similar path we were.

Some nights, classes were extremely heart-wrenching. The workers that taught our class would tell us stories of kids and parents that they had worked with or were currently working with (all anonymously of course) that would just get everyone down. Or, part of the class work would be to read stories about kids coming into care and all the different reasons they might be there. Nights like that, while sad, reconfirmed to us that we were doing the right thing. It might be hard, but there were/are kids out there that we can help -- or at least try to.

During those 9 weeks, we met with one of the teachers twice as part of the beginning of the paperwork process. We had to be vetted just to be in the class. We had to fill out paperwork about ourselves, our histories, our families and then talk to the teacher about them. We had to collect a number of character references and turn them in. Those references got questionnaires that had to be filled out once we decided we'd be moving ahead with the process after classes were over.

Near the end of the 9 weeks we told our worker/teacher that we wanted to sign up with their agency, to start the process towards becoming Foster Parents. That meant a whole stack of paperwork, much of which was very similar to what we had already filled out.

And that's where we still are - in that paperwork process (more on that later).

When the last class night came, we got our certificates stating we'd completed the course. We said goodbye to the people we'd gotten to know over the last 9 weeks, and we all wished each other well in our individual processes and goals. We had bonded to one couple in particular and promised to keep in contact, much like you do with summer camp friends, but never did. I wish we had though, I wonder sometimes - now that we're a year into the process, how far other people have gotten. Do some of them have kids in their homes already? I hope so.

Radvent 2010 - Day One

(I had a whole post written up and the internet ate it. I'm positive I won't remember everything I wanted to say.)

Megan (AKA Princess Lasertron) has started what she's calling Radvent 2010, a project to post everyday about specific topics leading up to Christmas. She'll have prompts at her blog every day with topics to write about. I think it's a pretty cool idea, and what's more than that, today's topic gave me the bit of motivation I needed to start up something I've been thinking about for a while now.



Today's prompt is: Remembering (PDF Link)

What were you doing five years ago today? As the holiday season began? Where were you? Who were you with? What did you want? What did you have?

December 2005 was a big month for me as far as life milestones go. As of December 1st, 2005, Matt and I had been married exactly one month. We were about to embark on a crazy month of visiting family and friends for the holiday, just like most people. But, it was our first Christmas as a married couple and we wanted to visit everyone.

My mother was still living in Warsaw, MO at the time, so that meant we had to make the 2.5 hour trip to her house, which would take an entire day. Then we'd have to split the other time between my Dad's, Matt's parents and family (2 different days), my grandparents and extended family, and our friends. Matt's friend Jim was dating my friend Anjie and we spent an evening with them and their families (who are like our own extended family). J&A got married the following year, but I don't remember if they were engaged by this time yet, though I want to say they weren't.

In December I also applied and interviewed for a NewCo (as we called it) job. It was a position that would start in January with Sprint and then carry on to the spin-off company in May. I thought the interview went well, but I wouldn't know until after the new year that I got the job with the company. That job is the one that took me from contracted employee, to full-time official employee, and it's the same job I have today, though the name of the company has changed a few times.

Overall 2005 was pretty big year for me, what with planning a wedding and getting married and everything. I think Matt and I spent a few months trying to figure the whole thing out for ourselves -- like how different (if at all) things would be for us after getting married. People expect that things have to change dramatically from dating to living together to being engaged to getting married. I think we had to adjust to the fact that nothing really needed to change for us (aside from my name and some bank accounts). The way we act and live together wasn't really changed because we got married. I don't think we had any arguments or anything like that during those first few months, I think it was just a tentative period of feeling each other out (so to speak) to see what would change.

And then here were are five years later, no kids of our own and a year into the process of becoming Foster Parents. Which brings me to the other thing I wanted to talk about, the thing that the idea of Radvent motivated me to kickstart. I'd been thinking about starting a blog to talk about our Foster Care experiences (even though we're only in the paperwork stages) and I think now is the time. My goal for 2011 is to finish the process and actually be able to say we're Foster Parents - meaning having kids in the house by the end of next year. I think we can do it, but it'll take some motivation own our part which we've seriously been lacking (for several reasons).

So, I set up The Foster Years and this'll be my first post. I'll be adding some more background and stuff throughout the month to detail our experiences building up to this point, as well as keeping up with Radvent posts. Even if it's just for me, I think it'll be worth trying to keep track of the experience