Since the second half of that family assessment, the one in which we talked about communication constantly, we've continued to talk about the process at home and with our friends and family. And my husband and I came to a decision that we might want to adjust our thinking, adjust our plans.
When we first started talking about Foster and Adoption, the idea was to do Fostering first. I have a heart for older kids in Foster Care that often get overlooked because of their age. It breaks my heart to know that a lot of these kids are never adopted, and are just sort of left to their own devices after they turn 18 and graduate high school. There are programs to help them make the adjustment from kid in Foster Care to adult out on their own, but they're underutilized, and I think with reason. I can't imagine that if I'd spent the majority of my childhood in the state system, that'd I'd want to stick around for advice on how to be an adult from that system.
Anyhow, so, when we first started talking about Foster Care, it was with those older kids in mind. Granted, we want to get licensed for kids 0-18, because it's not all about teenagers, we just want to help kids that need homes and parents. But, those teens have never been far from my mind. And the second half of that family assessment, in which our worker asked us question after question about how we'd parent a kid in our home, questions we had no real answers to because we've never been parents before...those have stuck with us in the past weeks.
It's made us reevaluate the process, and the path we thought we'd decided upon. So, after a little bit of research about in-state adoption of kids in the foster program, I sent an email to our worker to ask what the adoption process really entails. Our thinking now is that while we still really want to do the Foster program, and finishing up the licensing to be foster parents, we might want to go the adoption route first. I'd always thought that adoption - no matter what the age/situation of the child - might cost tens of thousands of dollars. After a little digging, I see that might not be the case (though I'm waiting for confirmation from our worker about that).
If that's true, the fact that we're at the point in the process where we could start looking for a kid to join our family now? Well that's pretty exciting.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
Sharing the News
When you're taking the MAPP class, you're encouraged to talk to people about your decision to Foster/Adopt. Part of the whole process is about addressing what you're doing and why. It came as a surprise to me to find out how hesitant people were to share their decisions with family and friends. Is there such a stigma about fostering or adopting children that people don't want to talk about it? I hope not, I don't think so. I think maybe there's a combination of embarrassment with a little bit of self-esteem issues, because inevitably one of the first questions you're going to be asked when people find out is "Why?". People want to know why you're planning to foster or adopt. But, it was a surprise to me how many people don't share with friends and family that they're considering Foster or Adoption until they're a long way into the process.
For us, we talk about EVERYTHING all the time. It never even occurred to me that we wouldn't talk about our decisions with our friends and family. Answering questions from friends and family can be difficult for various reasons: they don't know the process, they don't understand why you're doing it, or they don't even think you should do it. Whatever the reason, getting it out in the open and having that dialogue with friends and family can help you think more about the process, even when comments are negative.
We had the second half of our family assessment with our new worker recently, and this idea of communication came up OVER AND OVER again. I think we answered over half of the questions with something like: "We'll talk about it". Many of the questions in the second half of the assessment were all about how we might parent, or how we might react to certain behaviors or types of kids, ect. But, not having kids, almost all of our answers were about communication - we'll figure it out by talking to each other, using the family and friend resources we having, and talking to whatever kid is in our home about whatever the situation is.
Here's the list as it currently stands:
- Copy of my Drivers License (Emailing this to her today)
- Pet Vaccination Records for Jazz
- Sample Menu (NEW from worker 12/2) (Emailed worker to get this form)
- Vehicle Mechanical Check (NEW from worker 12/2) (Slightly annoyed about this requirement since I live in a state that does not require checks for vehicle licensing, so it's not something I have laying around, which means we have to spend time & money to get it done.)
- Copy of Taxes from this year or last year (NEW from worker 1/4) (depending on how long it takes us to get this year's done) (didn't need these after all)
Then there's the classes that still remain:
- CPR & First Aid training (someplace that will give us a physical paper certificate when we finish training)- 2 classes through the website (Matt's done one of these, I haven't done either, but I signed up for both of them yesterday.)
For us, we talk about EVERYTHING all the time. It never even occurred to me that we wouldn't talk about our decisions with our friends and family. Answering questions from friends and family can be difficult for various reasons: they don't know the process, they don't understand why you're doing it, or they don't even think you should do it. Whatever the reason, getting it out in the open and having that dialogue with friends and family can help you think more about the process, even when comments are negative.
We had the second half of our family assessment with our new worker recently, and this idea of communication came up OVER AND OVER again. I think we answered over half of the questions with something like: "We'll talk about it". Many of the questions in the second half of the assessment were all about how we might parent, or how we might react to certain behaviors or types of kids, ect. But, not having kids, almost all of our answers were about communication - we'll figure it out by talking to each other, using the family and friend resources we having, and talking to whatever kid is in our home about whatever the situation is.
Here's the list as it currently stands:
- Pet Vaccination Records for Jazz
- Vehicle Mechanical Check (NEW from worker 12/2) (Slightly annoyed about this requirement since I live in a state that does not require checks for vehicle licensing, so it's not something I have laying around, which means we have to spend time & money to get it done.)
Then there's the classes that still remain:
- CPR & First Aid training (someplace that will give us a physical paper certificate when we finish training)- 2 classes through the website (Matt's done one of these, I haven't done either, but I signed up for both of them yesterday.)
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