Our official walkthrough went amazingly well. There's always horror stories about how hard it is to pass on the first time without a bunch of corrections. We had two minor things that she didn't count us off for, just mentioned that we'll want to take care of those things before we get placements at the ages where they would matter. She wrote them down, but they won't stop us from getting our 0-18 license.
What I liked is that even though our worker did the same thing - this lady was able to sit down with me and talk me through all the regulations (or groups of regulations) and when I asked questions she had good answers, which our worker doesn't always have. They each have their strengths, but when talking about regulations specifically, this was very helpful to me - and will be helpful later as we actually start taking placements.
So, that all said, we're official and our license should come in the mail very soon.
We have started receiving some emails about placements. We tried to take two different girls (both older, one 11, one 17) but both were placed before we responded. We've had several other emails about other kids, mostly boys that we've turned down for one reason or another. For our first placement specifically, my husband and I are really, really trying to find someone that's a good fit for us, not just take the first kid that comes along. It's a little stressful thinking I can't help all of these kids but I'd rather say no up front than have to tell the agency we can't handle a kid and they have to go back. These kids have so much upset in their lives, I feel like that would be worse than not taking them at all.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Foster Care Updates
Since our social worker came back from her temporary leave, things have moved at a head-spinningly quick clip. Our temporary license for Foster Care arrived two weeks ago. Then, last week, as the husband and I were packing up for a small vacation, we got the call for our official inspection. Traditionally (and our temp. license paperwork said something to this effect) the time between temporary licensing and the official inspection by the health department can take 60 - 90 days. But, we suspect since it's so close to the beginning of a new school year, they're trying to speed up the process right now.
Or maybe they just have nothing better to do. If that means we get through the process faster - so be it.
So, our inspection is tomorrow and thank goodness there's jut a bit of cleaning/organizing to do to get ready for such a thing.
In the mean time, we've also been reviewing placement opportunities. We said yes to one - a respite care option for a couple of days next week - but it's already fallen through. We're considering a few others right now. (Which I should probably respond to today.)
On top of that, our social worker was also able to gain some traction on a few of the adoption options we talked about long before she went on leave. We're trying to press forward with one girl (11) at the moment, though of course as we're interested - so is another family. So, I don't know what's going to happen there, but I'm hopeful.
Or maybe they just have nothing better to do. If that means we get through the process faster - so be it.
So, our inspection is tomorrow and thank goodness there's jut a bit of cleaning/organizing to do to get ready for such a thing.
In the mean time, we've also been reviewing placement opportunities. We said yes to one - a respite care option for a couple of days next week - but it's already fallen through. We're considering a few others right now. (Which I should probably respond to today.)
On top of that, our social worker was also able to gain some traction on a few of the adoption options we talked about long before she went on leave. We're trying to press forward with one girl (11) at the moment, though of course as we're interested - so is another family. So, I don't know what's going to happen there, but I'm hopeful.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
The Waiting Game
We're at the point of all processes where all we can do is wait. I mean, that's not exactly true, as there's always tasks I can find for us at the house to do - clean, move furniture, decorate, lock stuff up, rearrange, ect. But, that's on us, and for the most part it's all done -- the rest is just restless maneuvering.
From the actual process standpoint, both for adoption and foster care, we're waiting. And it's grueling.
Our paperwork is complete and should have been turned in so that we can get our temporary foster care license. And then potentially, we'll start taking in kids. Which honestly, I'm both excited and terrified to do. Four of the six kids we asked about adopting are still available -- we're just waiting for our family profiles to be reviewed. Possibly, their workers will take one look at our information and then pass on us. Or, if we're lucky, we'll have the chance to choose between all four, but I'm thinking that's unlikely.
We did learn that the first girl we asked about adopting is still in a holding process. Her worker was considering another family, but it's possible we're still on the list. I'm not holding out a lot of hope on that front, but it's hard to forget it entirely.
It's disappointing how much of both processes are just waiting around. I mean at this point, I'm afraid we'll have to work on Re-Licensing before we ever have any kids in our house.
From the actual process standpoint, both for adoption and foster care, we're waiting. And it's grueling.
Our paperwork is complete and should have been turned in so that we can get our temporary foster care license. And then potentially, we'll start taking in kids. Which honestly, I'm both excited and terrified to do. Four of the six kids we asked about adopting are still available -- we're just waiting for our family profiles to be reviewed. Possibly, their workers will take one look at our information and then pass on us. Or, if we're lucky, we'll have the chance to choose between all four, but I'm thinking that's unlikely.
We did learn that the first girl we asked about adopting is still in a holding process. Her worker was considering another family, but it's possible we're still on the list. I'm not holding out a lot of hope on that front, but it's hard to forget it entirely.
It's disappointing how much of both processes are just waiting around. I mean at this point, I'm afraid we'll have to work on Re-Licensing before we ever have any kids in our house.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Ups and Downs
It's really hard to describe what the last month has been like. Last time I posted, I talked about the decision my husband and I had made to try and work to adopt a child currently in foster care. We went through the painstaking process of reviewing the profiles of dozens of kids from the state website (which in itself is a process not dissimilar from searching for a pet on petfinder.com) and narrowing our choices down to the top 5 for both of us. We figured out which kids matched for both of us, and submitted a request for a sweet-looking 9 year old girl. While we waited, we told friends and family, bought furniture (generic, just in case) and steeled ourselves for the news.
It took three weeks for us to learn that the girl's worker didn't think we were a good match for us. We didn't get a lot of reasons, just a vague sort of reply. Not having any interaction with the girl or her worker means we don't really know if it was her or us, or just one of those things that happens, but it was pretty devastating all the same. We talked with our worker, and she encouraged us to apply for several kids at a time, so that we might have better luck. Within a few days, we'd gone through the process again (quicker and with keener eyes for "buzz words") and resubmitted for six kids (two of whom our sibilings). It's been two weeks since we did that, and are still waiting for replies.
In the mean time, our worker talked to us about two little girls that will soon be in need of adoptive homes. They were younger than we've been looking, but we were definitely interested so we set up time with their current foster parents to meet them. Unfortunately, we had to go through hard decision after our meeting of deciding whether we'd be the right home for them, and ultimately we were planning to say no. However, due to other circumstances, in the two days it took us to make a decision, we found out that the girls would need to be taken separately, which while sad, was good news for us.
I was on the phone with their foster mother, my worker and my husband, all in an effort to see if we could find a way to make it work for us to take over the fostership for the youngest of the two girls before she was taken from the current foster family. Unfortunately, there was no way for my husband and I to actually finish the process in a time period that would've worked for her, or for her social worker. And she's been removed from one foster home and placed with another in the past few days. It's a long-shot, but our foster worker has said that she will try and keep in touch with the girl's worker, and maybe when she's available for adoption in a few months, we'll be able to try again. However, that's not stopping our current forward momentum.
We've had family over in the past week to help us clean and organize and move our whole house around so we can finish up the foster care process. Not being able to take that little girl is heartbreaking, and knowing that we could've changed that had we already been licensed -- well, it's a giant kick in the pants to stay motivated.
It took three weeks for us to learn that the girl's worker didn't think we were a good match for us. We didn't get a lot of reasons, just a vague sort of reply. Not having any interaction with the girl or her worker means we don't really know if it was her or us, or just one of those things that happens, but it was pretty devastating all the same. We talked with our worker, and she encouraged us to apply for several kids at a time, so that we might have better luck. Within a few days, we'd gone through the process again (quicker and with keener eyes for "buzz words") and resubmitted for six kids (two of whom our sibilings). It's been two weeks since we did that, and are still waiting for replies.
In the mean time, our worker talked to us about two little girls that will soon be in need of adoptive homes. They were younger than we've been looking, but we were definitely interested so we set up time with their current foster parents to meet them. Unfortunately, we had to go through hard decision after our meeting of deciding whether we'd be the right home for them, and ultimately we were planning to say no. However, due to other circumstances, in the two days it took us to make a decision, we found out that the girls would need to be taken separately, which while sad, was good news for us.
I was on the phone with their foster mother, my worker and my husband, all in an effort to see if we could find a way to make it work for us to take over the fostership for the youngest of the two girls before she was taken from the current foster family. Unfortunately, there was no way for my husband and I to actually finish the process in a time period that would've worked for her, or for her social worker. And she's been removed from one foster home and placed with another in the past few days. It's a long-shot, but our foster worker has said that she will try and keep in touch with the girl's worker, and maybe when she's available for adoption in a few months, we'll be able to try again. However, that's not stopping our current forward momentum.
We've had family over in the past week to help us clean and organize and move our whole house around so we can finish up the foster care process. Not being able to take that little girl is heartbreaking, and knowing that we could've changed that had we already been licensed -- well, it's a giant kick in the pants to stay motivated.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Shopping for Kids
So, it's been a few weeks, but things are moving in an exciting new direction. I heard back from our worker, and ended up speaking with her supervisor. We found out that the agency we're working with for Foster Care, also handles the adoption website for our state, and our worker's supervisor also handles that team of people. She talked me through some of the steps and we found out that we were in the perfect place to switch gears, and try to move forward with the adoption process first.
The first part of the process was looking for a child we'd be interested in. She directed me back to the website where there are dozens (probably 100+) kids listed that are currently in Foster Care and waiting for an actual home. She told us to find a kid we were interested in, hit the "I'm Interested" button next to their picture when we found one, and then things would proceed forward.
I also talked to her a bit about price and learned that while domestic (even in-state) adoption of infants can run upwards of $30k, adopting a kid from Foster Care has a nearly negligible fee. The only real fee is the one to finalize all the legal paperwork, and in some cases (depending on the child) the agency or the state will reimburse the legal fees. So for what will probably be far less than the average of a grand or so for legal fees, we could be proud new parents to a child currently in Foster Care. We were pretty shocked. Not too mention, despite the years it can take for infant adoption, for a kid from Foster Care, we might only be talking a few months or so.
It's a lot to take in all at once, that we could go from potential Foster Parents to actual Adoptive Parents in no time at all. But, we know it's a good choice for us, though we will not be stopping the foster process even as we adopt.
We took two weeks to pour over the website, both together and separately. Sadly, it's set up a little like PetFinder.com and we actually had to stop a few times to make sense of it. There's a picture of a kid with their age, race and a small bio. You click on their name and it takes you to a larger version of the picture, with a paragraph or so about them (including what tend to become recognized as keywords for potential behavior issues). We settled on a large list of 25 - 30 kids. Then, we took the list and came up with our own separate Top 5 lists. We got together, looked at each other's Top 5s and realized that we had 2 similar matches. We talked about it, and decided on one - a 9 year old girl.
I verified with our agency that even though we're not Foster Parents yet that we could continue working through them, and as soon as they said yes, I hit that "I'm Interested" button next to the girl's picture.
Now, while the workers hash out between them whether or not we're a decent match, we wait.
The first part of the process was looking for a child we'd be interested in. She directed me back to the website where there are dozens (probably 100+) kids listed that are currently in Foster Care and waiting for an actual home. She told us to find a kid we were interested in, hit the "I'm Interested" button next to their picture when we found one, and then things would proceed forward.
I also talked to her a bit about price and learned that while domestic (even in-state) adoption of infants can run upwards of $30k, adopting a kid from Foster Care has a nearly negligible fee. The only real fee is the one to finalize all the legal paperwork, and in some cases (depending on the child) the agency or the state will reimburse the legal fees. So for what will probably be far less than the average of a grand or so for legal fees, we could be proud new parents to a child currently in Foster Care. We were pretty shocked. Not too mention, despite the years it can take for infant adoption, for a kid from Foster Care, we might only be talking a few months or so.
It's a lot to take in all at once, that we could go from potential Foster Parents to actual Adoptive Parents in no time at all. But, we know it's a good choice for us, though we will not be stopping the foster process even as we adopt.
We took two weeks to pour over the website, both together and separately. Sadly, it's set up a little like PetFinder.com and we actually had to stop a few times to make sense of it. There's a picture of a kid with their age, race and a small bio. You click on their name and it takes you to a larger version of the picture, with a paragraph or so about them (including what tend to become recognized as keywords for potential behavior issues). We settled on a large list of 25 - 30 kids. Then, we took the list and came up with our own separate Top 5 lists. We got together, looked at each other's Top 5s and realized that we had 2 similar matches. We talked about it, and decided on one - a 9 year old girl.
I verified with our agency that even though we're not Foster Parents yet that we could continue working through them, and as soon as they said yes, I hit that "I'm Interested" button next to the girl's picture.
Now, while the workers hash out between them whether or not we're a decent match, we wait.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Changing our Minds
Since the second half of that family assessment, the one in which we talked about communication constantly, we've continued to talk about the process at home and with our friends and family. And my husband and I came to a decision that we might want to adjust our thinking, adjust our plans.
When we first started talking about Foster and Adoption, the idea was to do Fostering first. I have a heart for older kids in Foster Care that often get overlooked because of their age. It breaks my heart to know that a lot of these kids are never adopted, and are just sort of left to their own devices after they turn 18 and graduate high school. There are programs to help them make the adjustment from kid in Foster Care to adult out on their own, but they're underutilized, and I think with reason. I can't imagine that if I'd spent the majority of my childhood in the state system, that'd I'd want to stick around for advice on how to be an adult from that system.
Anyhow, so, when we first started talking about Foster Care, it was with those older kids in mind. Granted, we want to get licensed for kids 0-18, because it's not all about teenagers, we just want to help kids that need homes and parents. But, those teens have never been far from my mind. And the second half of that family assessment, in which our worker asked us question after question about how we'd parent a kid in our home, questions we had no real answers to because we've never been parents before...those have stuck with us in the past weeks.
It's made us reevaluate the process, and the path we thought we'd decided upon. So, after a little bit of research about in-state adoption of kids in the foster program, I sent an email to our worker to ask what the adoption process really entails. Our thinking now is that while we still really want to do the Foster program, and finishing up the licensing to be foster parents, we might want to go the adoption route first. I'd always thought that adoption - no matter what the age/situation of the child - might cost tens of thousands of dollars. After a little digging, I see that might not be the case (though I'm waiting for confirmation from our worker about that).
If that's true, the fact that we're at the point in the process where we could start looking for a kid to join our family now? Well that's pretty exciting.
When we first started talking about Foster and Adoption, the idea was to do Fostering first. I have a heart for older kids in Foster Care that often get overlooked because of their age. It breaks my heart to know that a lot of these kids are never adopted, and are just sort of left to their own devices after they turn 18 and graduate high school. There are programs to help them make the adjustment from kid in Foster Care to adult out on their own, but they're underutilized, and I think with reason. I can't imagine that if I'd spent the majority of my childhood in the state system, that'd I'd want to stick around for advice on how to be an adult from that system.
Anyhow, so, when we first started talking about Foster Care, it was with those older kids in mind. Granted, we want to get licensed for kids 0-18, because it's not all about teenagers, we just want to help kids that need homes and parents. But, those teens have never been far from my mind. And the second half of that family assessment, in which our worker asked us question after question about how we'd parent a kid in our home, questions we had no real answers to because we've never been parents before...those have stuck with us in the past weeks.
It's made us reevaluate the process, and the path we thought we'd decided upon. So, after a little bit of research about in-state adoption of kids in the foster program, I sent an email to our worker to ask what the adoption process really entails. Our thinking now is that while we still really want to do the Foster program, and finishing up the licensing to be foster parents, we might want to go the adoption route first. I'd always thought that adoption - no matter what the age/situation of the child - might cost tens of thousands of dollars. After a little digging, I see that might not be the case (though I'm waiting for confirmation from our worker about that).
If that's true, the fact that we're at the point in the process where we could start looking for a kid to join our family now? Well that's pretty exciting.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Sharing the News
When you're taking the MAPP class, you're encouraged to talk to people about your decision to Foster/Adopt. Part of the whole process is about addressing what you're doing and why. It came as a surprise to me to find out how hesitant people were to share their decisions with family and friends. Is there such a stigma about fostering or adopting children that people don't want to talk about it? I hope not, I don't think so. I think maybe there's a combination of embarrassment with a little bit of self-esteem issues, because inevitably one of the first questions you're going to be asked when people find out is "Why?". People want to know why you're planning to foster or adopt. But, it was a surprise to me how many people don't share with friends and family that they're considering Foster or Adoption until they're a long way into the process.
For us, we talk about EVERYTHING all the time. It never even occurred to me that we wouldn't talk about our decisions with our friends and family. Answering questions from friends and family can be difficult for various reasons: they don't know the process, they don't understand why you're doing it, or they don't even think you should do it. Whatever the reason, getting it out in the open and having that dialogue with friends and family can help you think more about the process, even when comments are negative.
We had the second half of our family assessment with our new worker recently, and this idea of communication came up OVER AND OVER again. I think we answered over half of the questions with something like: "We'll talk about it". Many of the questions in the second half of the assessment were all about how we might parent, or how we might react to certain behaviors or types of kids, ect. But, not having kids, almost all of our answers were about communication - we'll figure it out by talking to each other, using the family and friend resources we having, and talking to whatever kid is in our home about whatever the situation is.
Here's the list as it currently stands:
- Copy of my Drivers License (Emailing this to her today)
- Pet Vaccination Records for Jazz
- Sample Menu (NEW from worker 12/2) (Emailed worker to get this form)
- Vehicle Mechanical Check (NEW from worker 12/2) (Slightly annoyed about this requirement since I live in a state that does not require checks for vehicle licensing, so it's not something I have laying around, which means we have to spend time & money to get it done.)
- Copy of Taxes from this year or last year (NEW from worker 1/4) (depending on how long it takes us to get this year's done) (didn't need these after all)
Then there's the classes that still remain:
- CPR & First Aid training (someplace that will give us a physical paper certificate when we finish training)- 2 classes through the website (Matt's done one of these, I haven't done either, but I signed up for both of them yesterday.)
For us, we talk about EVERYTHING all the time. It never even occurred to me that we wouldn't talk about our decisions with our friends and family. Answering questions from friends and family can be difficult for various reasons: they don't know the process, they don't understand why you're doing it, or they don't even think you should do it. Whatever the reason, getting it out in the open and having that dialogue with friends and family can help you think more about the process, even when comments are negative.
We had the second half of our family assessment with our new worker recently, and this idea of communication came up OVER AND OVER again. I think we answered over half of the questions with something like: "We'll talk about it". Many of the questions in the second half of the assessment were all about how we might parent, or how we might react to certain behaviors or types of kids, ect. But, not having kids, almost all of our answers were about communication - we'll figure it out by talking to each other, using the family and friend resources we having, and talking to whatever kid is in our home about whatever the situation is.
Here's the list as it currently stands:
- Pet Vaccination Records for Jazz
- Vehicle Mechanical Check (NEW from worker 12/2) (Slightly annoyed about this requirement since I live in a state that does not require checks for vehicle licensing, so it's not something I have laying around, which means we have to spend time & money to get it done.)
Then there's the classes that still remain:
- CPR & First Aid training (someplace that will give us a physical paper certificate when we finish training)- 2 classes through the website (Matt's done one of these, I haven't done either, but I signed up for both of them yesterday.)
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