Two Months In

We've had H for two months now.  And I'm convinced that she's a great kid that's just had a lot of negative experiences, including the ones in previous foster homes.  When she came to us, she was on Prozac, but was slowly being weaned off of it and she's probably been without it for about three weeks now, and I think there's very little difference in her moods and attitudes since she's been off it. It's hard to know for sure, since it's not like we know what she was like before she started it- but there's things we can watch for like keeping an eye on her mood swings.  But, she's also a teenage girl with a bubbly personality and many of her mood swings - or at least the things we've noticed - can be attributed to be a teenage girl. 

 

In this, I feel like I have a bit of experience.  I mean, I was once a teenage girl.  I didn't have the same background, but, I know what it's like to feel like you need to talk to your friends, or to want to stay over at their house or anything like that.  My husband on the other hand, doesn't know what those things are like really, and he wasn't even around when his sister was a teenager (he was already off at college), so this is all new to him.  Usually, when he notices something that seems out of character we talk about it and he trusts my judgement on whether it's something we need to talk to H about, or if it's just something we need to wait out.  So far, most everything I think is part of being a teen.  But, I can already see how hard those judgements are to make.

 

In fact, there's times where it's obvious she's watching us - or at least paying attention - to how my husband and I interact as a couple, how we treat her, how we manage our finances, how we make time for her or our friends, ect.  She's learning and she trusts us to talk to her about things like an adult.  I think a lot of times, she's surprised how much we talk about things in front of her.  Nothing specific, but we're open enough that we don't feel like we have to go in a different room to talk about money or plans.  We do have conversations without her of course, all parents must.  But as much as we're able, we don't hide conversations or plans or general day to day things from her.  She seems to appreciate that.

 

I've talked here a little before about communication and the part it plays, but I think it's really starting to show in how she relates to us.  She's willing to talk to us about just about anything (that we've discovered so far) and in return we continue to keep her informed and willing to involve her more. We also think it helps to give her a better view of the world - a broader view - than the small town life she was used to where she never went anywhere, never did anything.  It's not really the small town, or the ideals she came from, but people she's lived with in the past and the sort of sort of limited ideals - traditional values - she's come from in the past.  Homes where Facebook and cell phones and dating were frowned upon. I think being younger helps us here, we don't see these things as negatives, just part of the current teenage experience.  That doesn't mean they can't be monitored, or kept in check, but denying their use (or their existence like some parents) seems like a fruitless endeavor.