Things are still going very well. I suspect some of this has to do with the fact that we have to get H enrolled into school. First we were waiting on the placement agreement from her work, then my worker, then her worker, you get the picture. We got that first thing yesterday morning, but her previous school hasn't yet faxed over the transcripts to the new school, and that's the last thing we're working on.
While we wait, there's been lots of me working at home (thankfully I can do this for a little while longer) and her watching TV or playing on the Xbox. Neither of which bother me or my husband too much, since we know she needs the relaxing time to settle into the house, she's respectful of time and hasn't been demanding in anyway. And when she DOES start school, we know she's going to be a little overwhelmed time-wise as she works to catch up and then dives proper-like into classes/assignments/ect.
So far, the biggest frustration has been waiting on paperwork - like an open-ended form so that we can take her five minutes away (across state lines). It seems like such a small thing, but all our family lives on the other side of that state line that's just a few minutes from our house. So, we have to have that form before we could legally take her just about anywhere we wanted to go - and we didn't get that until late Monday afternoon, which made that first weekend a little frustrating.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Thursday, August 18, 2011
The First Kid: H
So, yesterday, one of the workers at our agency, sent us two referrals - two teenage girls. Both of them seemed acceptable to us, so we asked about the first one. She's a foster-to-adopt opportunity, so we were more willing to try that out (since ultimately we'd like to adopt).
She's 15 (half my age) and though I've only spent a few hours with her, she seems like a generally good and good-natured kid. From the paperwork I've gone through, it looks like her previous foster parents may have been on the strict and conservative side of things - and this girl has been sexually active for a few years, so it looks like that was a problem for them.
My husband and I feel much less strange about that sort of thing - it's a generational and moral belief difference obviously, but we feel pretty well equipped to handle it.
Yesterday all-in-all was a pretty strange day. The request for placement came early, but the call that she was coming to us, took a few hours. Then, she's coming from halfway across the state, so we had to wait for a worker to drive her to us (about 4 hours I think). So she came in late last night, and arrived with a LOT of things, which I hadn't been expecting.
Right now, things have gone well. She seems eager to please - maybe a little more so than is normal - we're told there can be a sort of 'honeymoon' phase with some kids where they'll fit in well and be eager to please, and then start testing once they feel more comfortable. Since she's not from the area, we're going to have to take a few days to get her enrolled in school and everything.
It's awkward right now - or I feel like it is - I don't want to hover. And I know I can't 'make' her feel comfortable, but I think that she's adjusting well.
She's 15 (half my age) and though I've only spent a few hours with her, she seems like a generally good and good-natured kid. From the paperwork I've gone through, it looks like her previous foster parents may have been on the strict and conservative side of things - and this girl has been sexually active for a few years, so it looks like that was a problem for them.
My husband and I feel much less strange about that sort of thing - it's a generational and moral belief difference obviously, but we feel pretty well equipped to handle it.
Yesterday all-in-all was a pretty strange day. The request for placement came early, but the call that she was coming to us, took a few hours. Then, she's coming from halfway across the state, so we had to wait for a worker to drive her to us (about 4 hours I think). So she came in late last night, and arrived with a LOT of things, which I hadn't been expecting.
Right now, things have gone well. She seems eager to please - maybe a little more so than is normal - we're told there can be a sort of 'honeymoon' phase with some kids where they'll fit in well and be eager to please, and then start testing once they feel more comfortable. Since she's not from the area, we're going to have to take a few days to get her enrolled in school and everything.
It's awkward right now - or I feel like it is - I don't want to hover. And I know I can't 'make' her feel comfortable, but I think that she's adjusting well.
Monday, August 15, 2011
We're Official
Our official walkthrough went amazingly well. There's always horror stories about how hard it is to pass on the first time without a bunch of corrections. We had two minor things that she didn't count us off for, just mentioned that we'll want to take care of those things before we get placements at the ages where they would matter. She wrote them down, but they won't stop us from getting our 0-18 license.
What I liked is that even though our worker did the same thing - this lady was able to sit down with me and talk me through all the regulations (or groups of regulations) and when I asked questions she had good answers, which our worker doesn't always have. They each have their strengths, but when talking about regulations specifically, this was very helpful to me - and will be helpful later as we actually start taking placements.
So, that all said, we're official and our license should come in the mail very soon.
We have started receiving some emails about placements. We tried to take two different girls (both older, one 11, one 17) but both were placed before we responded. We've had several other emails about other kids, mostly boys that we've turned down for one reason or another. For our first placement specifically, my husband and I are really, really trying to find someone that's a good fit for us, not just take the first kid that comes along. It's a little stressful thinking I can't help all of these kids but I'd rather say no up front than have to tell the agency we can't handle a kid and they have to go back. These kids have so much upset in their lives, I feel like that would be worse than not taking them at all.
What I liked is that even though our worker did the same thing - this lady was able to sit down with me and talk me through all the regulations (or groups of regulations) and when I asked questions she had good answers, which our worker doesn't always have. They each have their strengths, but when talking about regulations specifically, this was very helpful to me - and will be helpful later as we actually start taking placements.
So, that all said, we're official and our license should come in the mail very soon.
We have started receiving some emails about placements. We tried to take two different girls (both older, one 11, one 17) but both were placed before we responded. We've had several other emails about other kids, mostly boys that we've turned down for one reason or another. For our first placement specifically, my husband and I are really, really trying to find someone that's a good fit for us, not just take the first kid that comes along. It's a little stressful thinking I can't help all of these kids but I'd rather say no up front than have to tell the agency we can't handle a kid and they have to go back. These kids have so much upset in their lives, I feel like that would be worse than not taking them at all.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Foster Care Updates
Since our social worker came back from her temporary leave, things have moved at a head-spinningly quick clip. Our temporary license for Foster Care arrived two weeks ago. Then, last week, as the husband and I were packing up for a small vacation, we got the call for our official inspection. Traditionally (and our temp. license paperwork said something to this effect) the time between temporary licensing and the official inspection by the health department can take 60 - 90 days. But, we suspect since it's so close to the beginning of a new school year, they're trying to speed up the process right now.
Or maybe they just have nothing better to do. If that means we get through the process faster - so be it.
So, our inspection is tomorrow and thank goodness there's jut a bit of cleaning/organizing to do to get ready for such a thing.
In the mean time, we've also been reviewing placement opportunities. We said yes to one - a respite care option for a couple of days next week - but it's already fallen through. We're considering a few others right now. (Which I should probably respond to today.)
On top of that, our social worker was also able to gain some traction on a few of the adoption options we talked about long before she went on leave. We're trying to press forward with one girl (11) at the moment, though of course as we're interested - so is another family. So, I don't know what's going to happen there, but I'm hopeful.
Or maybe they just have nothing better to do. If that means we get through the process faster - so be it.
So, our inspection is tomorrow and thank goodness there's jut a bit of cleaning/organizing to do to get ready for such a thing.
In the mean time, we've also been reviewing placement opportunities. We said yes to one - a respite care option for a couple of days next week - but it's already fallen through. We're considering a few others right now. (Which I should probably respond to today.)
On top of that, our social worker was also able to gain some traction on a few of the adoption options we talked about long before she went on leave. We're trying to press forward with one girl (11) at the moment, though of course as we're interested - so is another family. So, I don't know what's going to happen there, but I'm hopeful.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
The Waiting Game
We're at the point of all processes where all we can do is wait. I mean, that's not exactly true, as there's always tasks I can find for us at the house to do - clean, move furniture, decorate, lock stuff up, rearrange, ect. But, that's on us, and for the most part it's all done -- the rest is just restless maneuvering.
From the actual process standpoint, both for adoption and foster care, we're waiting. And it's grueling.
Our paperwork is complete and should have been turned in so that we can get our temporary foster care license. And then potentially, we'll start taking in kids. Which honestly, I'm both excited and terrified to do. Four of the six kids we asked about adopting are still available -- we're just waiting for our family profiles to be reviewed. Possibly, their workers will take one look at our information and then pass on us. Or, if we're lucky, we'll have the chance to choose between all four, but I'm thinking that's unlikely.
We did learn that the first girl we asked about adopting is still in a holding process. Her worker was considering another family, but it's possible we're still on the list. I'm not holding out a lot of hope on that front, but it's hard to forget it entirely.
It's disappointing how much of both processes are just waiting around. I mean at this point, I'm afraid we'll have to work on Re-Licensing before we ever have any kids in our house.
From the actual process standpoint, both for adoption and foster care, we're waiting. And it's grueling.
Our paperwork is complete and should have been turned in so that we can get our temporary foster care license. And then potentially, we'll start taking in kids. Which honestly, I'm both excited and terrified to do. Four of the six kids we asked about adopting are still available -- we're just waiting for our family profiles to be reviewed. Possibly, their workers will take one look at our information and then pass on us. Or, if we're lucky, we'll have the chance to choose between all four, but I'm thinking that's unlikely.
We did learn that the first girl we asked about adopting is still in a holding process. Her worker was considering another family, but it's possible we're still on the list. I'm not holding out a lot of hope on that front, but it's hard to forget it entirely.
It's disappointing how much of both processes are just waiting around. I mean at this point, I'm afraid we'll have to work on Re-Licensing before we ever have any kids in our house.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Ups and Downs
It's really hard to describe what the last month has been like. Last time I posted, I talked about the decision my husband and I had made to try and work to adopt a child currently in foster care. We went through the painstaking process of reviewing the profiles of dozens of kids from the state website (which in itself is a process not dissimilar from searching for a pet on petfinder.com) and narrowing our choices down to the top 5 for both of us. We figured out which kids matched for both of us, and submitted a request for a sweet-looking 9 year old girl. While we waited, we told friends and family, bought furniture (generic, just in case) and steeled ourselves for the news.
It took three weeks for us to learn that the girl's worker didn't think we were a good match for us. We didn't get a lot of reasons, just a vague sort of reply. Not having any interaction with the girl or her worker means we don't really know if it was her or us, or just one of those things that happens, but it was pretty devastating all the same. We talked with our worker, and she encouraged us to apply for several kids at a time, so that we might have better luck. Within a few days, we'd gone through the process again (quicker and with keener eyes for "buzz words") and resubmitted for six kids (two of whom our sibilings). It's been two weeks since we did that, and are still waiting for replies.
In the mean time, our worker talked to us about two little girls that will soon be in need of adoptive homes. They were younger than we've been looking, but we were definitely interested so we set up time with their current foster parents to meet them. Unfortunately, we had to go through hard decision after our meeting of deciding whether we'd be the right home for them, and ultimately we were planning to say no. However, due to other circumstances, in the two days it took us to make a decision, we found out that the girls would need to be taken separately, which while sad, was good news for us.
I was on the phone with their foster mother, my worker and my husband, all in an effort to see if we could find a way to make it work for us to take over the fostership for the youngest of the two girls before she was taken from the current foster family. Unfortunately, there was no way for my husband and I to actually finish the process in a time period that would've worked for her, or for her social worker. And she's been removed from one foster home and placed with another in the past few days. It's a long-shot, but our foster worker has said that she will try and keep in touch with the girl's worker, and maybe when she's available for adoption in a few months, we'll be able to try again. However, that's not stopping our current forward momentum.
We've had family over in the past week to help us clean and organize and move our whole house around so we can finish up the foster care process. Not being able to take that little girl is heartbreaking, and knowing that we could've changed that had we already been licensed -- well, it's a giant kick in the pants to stay motivated.
It took three weeks for us to learn that the girl's worker didn't think we were a good match for us. We didn't get a lot of reasons, just a vague sort of reply. Not having any interaction with the girl or her worker means we don't really know if it was her or us, or just one of those things that happens, but it was pretty devastating all the same. We talked with our worker, and she encouraged us to apply for several kids at a time, so that we might have better luck. Within a few days, we'd gone through the process again (quicker and with keener eyes for "buzz words") and resubmitted for six kids (two of whom our sibilings). It's been two weeks since we did that, and are still waiting for replies.
In the mean time, our worker talked to us about two little girls that will soon be in need of adoptive homes. They were younger than we've been looking, but we were definitely interested so we set up time with their current foster parents to meet them. Unfortunately, we had to go through hard decision after our meeting of deciding whether we'd be the right home for them, and ultimately we were planning to say no. However, due to other circumstances, in the two days it took us to make a decision, we found out that the girls would need to be taken separately, which while sad, was good news for us.
I was on the phone with their foster mother, my worker and my husband, all in an effort to see if we could find a way to make it work for us to take over the fostership for the youngest of the two girls before she was taken from the current foster family. Unfortunately, there was no way for my husband and I to actually finish the process in a time period that would've worked for her, or for her social worker. And she's been removed from one foster home and placed with another in the past few days. It's a long-shot, but our foster worker has said that she will try and keep in touch with the girl's worker, and maybe when she's available for adoption in a few months, we'll be able to try again. However, that's not stopping our current forward momentum.
We've had family over in the past week to help us clean and organize and move our whole house around so we can finish up the foster care process. Not being able to take that little girl is heartbreaking, and knowing that we could've changed that had we already been licensed -- well, it's a giant kick in the pants to stay motivated.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Shopping for Kids
So, it's been a few weeks, but things are moving in an exciting new direction. I heard back from our worker, and ended up speaking with her supervisor. We found out that the agency we're working with for Foster Care, also handles the adoption website for our state, and our worker's supervisor also handles that team of people. She talked me through some of the steps and we found out that we were in the perfect place to switch gears, and try to move forward with the adoption process first.
The first part of the process was looking for a child we'd be interested in. She directed me back to the website where there are dozens (probably 100+) kids listed that are currently in Foster Care and waiting for an actual home. She told us to find a kid we were interested in, hit the "I'm Interested" button next to their picture when we found one, and then things would proceed forward.
I also talked to her a bit about price and learned that while domestic (even in-state) adoption of infants can run upwards of $30k, adopting a kid from Foster Care has a nearly negligible fee. The only real fee is the one to finalize all the legal paperwork, and in some cases (depending on the child) the agency or the state will reimburse the legal fees. So for what will probably be far less than the average of a grand or so for legal fees, we could be proud new parents to a child currently in Foster Care. We were pretty shocked. Not too mention, despite the years it can take for infant adoption, for a kid from Foster Care, we might only be talking a few months or so.
It's a lot to take in all at once, that we could go from potential Foster Parents to actual Adoptive Parents in no time at all. But, we know it's a good choice for us, though we will not be stopping the foster process even as we adopt.
We took two weeks to pour over the website, both together and separately. Sadly, it's set up a little like PetFinder.com and we actually had to stop a few times to make sense of it. There's a picture of a kid with their age, race and a small bio. You click on their name and it takes you to a larger version of the picture, with a paragraph or so about them (including what tend to become recognized as keywords for potential behavior issues). We settled on a large list of 25 - 30 kids. Then, we took the list and came up with our own separate Top 5 lists. We got together, looked at each other's Top 5s and realized that we had 2 similar matches. We talked about it, and decided on one - a 9 year old girl.
I verified with our agency that even though we're not Foster Parents yet that we could continue working through them, and as soon as they said yes, I hit that "I'm Interested" button next to the girl's picture.
Now, while the workers hash out between them whether or not we're a decent match, we wait.
The first part of the process was looking for a child we'd be interested in. She directed me back to the website where there are dozens (probably 100+) kids listed that are currently in Foster Care and waiting for an actual home. She told us to find a kid we were interested in, hit the "I'm Interested" button next to their picture when we found one, and then things would proceed forward.
I also talked to her a bit about price and learned that while domestic (even in-state) adoption of infants can run upwards of $30k, adopting a kid from Foster Care has a nearly negligible fee. The only real fee is the one to finalize all the legal paperwork, and in some cases (depending on the child) the agency or the state will reimburse the legal fees. So for what will probably be far less than the average of a grand or so for legal fees, we could be proud new parents to a child currently in Foster Care. We were pretty shocked. Not too mention, despite the years it can take for infant adoption, for a kid from Foster Care, we might only be talking a few months or so.
It's a lot to take in all at once, that we could go from potential Foster Parents to actual Adoptive Parents in no time at all. But, we know it's a good choice for us, though we will not be stopping the foster process even as we adopt.
We took two weeks to pour over the website, both together and separately. Sadly, it's set up a little like PetFinder.com and we actually had to stop a few times to make sense of it. There's a picture of a kid with their age, race and a small bio. You click on their name and it takes you to a larger version of the picture, with a paragraph or so about them (including what tend to become recognized as keywords for potential behavior issues). We settled on a large list of 25 - 30 kids. Then, we took the list and came up with our own separate Top 5 lists. We got together, looked at each other's Top 5s and realized that we had 2 similar matches. We talked about it, and decided on one - a 9 year old girl.
I verified with our agency that even though we're not Foster Parents yet that we could continue working through them, and as soon as they said yes, I hit that "I'm Interested" button next to the girl's picture.
Now, while the workers hash out between them whether or not we're a decent match, we wait.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)