We're at the point of all processes where all we can do is wait. I mean, that's not exactly true, as there's always tasks I can find for us at the house to do - clean, move furniture, decorate, lock stuff up, rearrange, ect. But, that's on us, and for the most part it's all done -- the rest is just restless maneuvering.
From the actual process standpoint, both for adoption and foster care, we're waiting. And it's grueling.
Our paperwork is complete and should have been turned in so that we can get our temporary foster care license. And then potentially, we'll start taking in kids. Which honestly, I'm both excited and terrified to do. Four of the six kids we asked about adopting are still available -- we're just waiting for our family profiles to be reviewed. Possibly, their workers will take one look at our information and then pass on us. Or, if we're lucky, we'll have the chance to choose between all four, but I'm thinking that's unlikely.
We did learn that the first girl we asked about adopting is still in a holding process. Her worker was considering another family, but it's possible we're still on the list. I'm not holding out a lot of hope on that front, but it's hard to forget it entirely.
It's disappointing how much of both processes are just waiting around. I mean at this point, I'm afraid we'll have to work on Re-Licensing before we ever have any kids in our house.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Ups and Downs
It's really hard to describe what the last month has been like. Last time I posted, I talked about the decision my husband and I had made to try and work to adopt a child currently in foster care. We went through the painstaking process of reviewing the profiles of dozens of kids from the state website (which in itself is a process not dissimilar from searching for a pet on petfinder.com) and narrowing our choices down to the top 5 for both of us. We figured out which kids matched for both of us, and submitted a request for a sweet-looking 9 year old girl. While we waited, we told friends and family, bought furniture (generic, just in case) and steeled ourselves for the news.
It took three weeks for us to learn that the girl's worker didn't think we were a good match for us. We didn't get a lot of reasons, just a vague sort of reply. Not having any interaction with the girl or her worker means we don't really know if it was her or us, or just one of those things that happens, but it was pretty devastating all the same. We talked with our worker, and she encouraged us to apply for several kids at a time, so that we might have better luck. Within a few days, we'd gone through the process again (quicker and with keener eyes for "buzz words") and resubmitted for six kids (two of whom our sibilings). It's been two weeks since we did that, and are still waiting for replies.
In the mean time, our worker talked to us about two little girls that will soon be in need of adoptive homes. They were younger than we've been looking, but we were definitely interested so we set up time with their current foster parents to meet them. Unfortunately, we had to go through hard decision after our meeting of deciding whether we'd be the right home for them, and ultimately we were planning to say no. However, due to other circumstances, in the two days it took us to make a decision, we found out that the girls would need to be taken separately, which while sad, was good news for us.
I was on the phone with their foster mother, my worker and my husband, all in an effort to see if we could find a way to make it work for us to take over the fostership for the youngest of the two girls before she was taken from the current foster family. Unfortunately, there was no way for my husband and I to actually finish the process in a time period that would've worked for her, or for her social worker. And she's been removed from one foster home and placed with another in the past few days. It's a long-shot, but our foster worker has said that she will try and keep in touch with the girl's worker, and maybe when she's available for adoption in a few months, we'll be able to try again. However, that's not stopping our current forward momentum.
We've had family over in the past week to help us clean and organize and move our whole house around so we can finish up the foster care process. Not being able to take that little girl is heartbreaking, and knowing that we could've changed that had we already been licensed -- well, it's a giant kick in the pants to stay motivated.
It took three weeks for us to learn that the girl's worker didn't think we were a good match for us. We didn't get a lot of reasons, just a vague sort of reply. Not having any interaction with the girl or her worker means we don't really know if it was her or us, or just one of those things that happens, but it was pretty devastating all the same. We talked with our worker, and she encouraged us to apply for several kids at a time, so that we might have better luck. Within a few days, we'd gone through the process again (quicker and with keener eyes for "buzz words") and resubmitted for six kids (two of whom our sibilings). It's been two weeks since we did that, and are still waiting for replies.
In the mean time, our worker talked to us about two little girls that will soon be in need of adoptive homes. They were younger than we've been looking, but we were definitely interested so we set up time with their current foster parents to meet them. Unfortunately, we had to go through hard decision after our meeting of deciding whether we'd be the right home for them, and ultimately we were planning to say no. However, due to other circumstances, in the two days it took us to make a decision, we found out that the girls would need to be taken separately, which while sad, was good news for us.
I was on the phone with their foster mother, my worker and my husband, all in an effort to see if we could find a way to make it work for us to take over the fostership for the youngest of the two girls before she was taken from the current foster family. Unfortunately, there was no way for my husband and I to actually finish the process in a time period that would've worked for her, or for her social worker. And she's been removed from one foster home and placed with another in the past few days. It's a long-shot, but our foster worker has said that she will try and keep in touch with the girl's worker, and maybe when she's available for adoption in a few months, we'll be able to try again. However, that's not stopping our current forward momentum.
We've had family over in the past week to help us clean and organize and move our whole house around so we can finish up the foster care process. Not being able to take that little girl is heartbreaking, and knowing that we could've changed that had we already been licensed -- well, it's a giant kick in the pants to stay motivated.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Shopping for Kids
So, it's been a few weeks, but things are moving in an exciting new direction. I heard back from our worker, and ended up speaking with her supervisor. We found out that the agency we're working with for Foster Care, also handles the adoption website for our state, and our worker's supervisor also handles that team of people. She talked me through some of the steps and we found out that we were in the perfect place to switch gears, and try to move forward with the adoption process first.
The first part of the process was looking for a child we'd be interested in. She directed me back to the website where there are dozens (probably 100+) kids listed that are currently in Foster Care and waiting for an actual home. She told us to find a kid we were interested in, hit the "I'm Interested" button next to their picture when we found one, and then things would proceed forward.
I also talked to her a bit about price and learned that while domestic (even in-state) adoption of infants can run upwards of $30k, adopting a kid from Foster Care has a nearly negligible fee. The only real fee is the one to finalize all the legal paperwork, and in some cases (depending on the child) the agency or the state will reimburse the legal fees. So for what will probably be far less than the average of a grand or so for legal fees, we could be proud new parents to a child currently in Foster Care. We were pretty shocked. Not too mention, despite the years it can take for infant adoption, for a kid from Foster Care, we might only be talking a few months or so.
It's a lot to take in all at once, that we could go from potential Foster Parents to actual Adoptive Parents in no time at all. But, we know it's a good choice for us, though we will not be stopping the foster process even as we adopt.
We took two weeks to pour over the website, both together and separately. Sadly, it's set up a little like PetFinder.com and we actually had to stop a few times to make sense of it. There's a picture of a kid with their age, race and a small bio. You click on their name and it takes you to a larger version of the picture, with a paragraph or so about them (including what tend to become recognized as keywords for potential behavior issues). We settled on a large list of 25 - 30 kids. Then, we took the list and came up with our own separate Top 5 lists. We got together, looked at each other's Top 5s and realized that we had 2 similar matches. We talked about it, and decided on one - a 9 year old girl.
I verified with our agency that even though we're not Foster Parents yet that we could continue working through them, and as soon as they said yes, I hit that "I'm Interested" button next to the girl's picture.
Now, while the workers hash out between them whether or not we're a decent match, we wait.
The first part of the process was looking for a child we'd be interested in. She directed me back to the website where there are dozens (probably 100+) kids listed that are currently in Foster Care and waiting for an actual home. She told us to find a kid we were interested in, hit the "I'm Interested" button next to their picture when we found one, and then things would proceed forward.
I also talked to her a bit about price and learned that while domestic (even in-state) adoption of infants can run upwards of $30k, adopting a kid from Foster Care has a nearly negligible fee. The only real fee is the one to finalize all the legal paperwork, and in some cases (depending on the child) the agency or the state will reimburse the legal fees. So for what will probably be far less than the average of a grand or so for legal fees, we could be proud new parents to a child currently in Foster Care. We were pretty shocked. Not too mention, despite the years it can take for infant adoption, for a kid from Foster Care, we might only be talking a few months or so.
It's a lot to take in all at once, that we could go from potential Foster Parents to actual Adoptive Parents in no time at all. But, we know it's a good choice for us, though we will not be stopping the foster process even as we adopt.
We took two weeks to pour over the website, both together and separately. Sadly, it's set up a little like PetFinder.com and we actually had to stop a few times to make sense of it. There's a picture of a kid with their age, race and a small bio. You click on their name and it takes you to a larger version of the picture, with a paragraph or so about them (including what tend to become recognized as keywords for potential behavior issues). We settled on a large list of 25 - 30 kids. Then, we took the list and came up with our own separate Top 5 lists. We got together, looked at each other's Top 5s and realized that we had 2 similar matches. We talked about it, and decided on one - a 9 year old girl.
I verified with our agency that even though we're not Foster Parents yet that we could continue working through them, and as soon as they said yes, I hit that "I'm Interested" button next to the girl's picture.
Now, while the workers hash out between them whether or not we're a decent match, we wait.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Changing our Minds
Since the second half of that family assessment, the one in which we talked about communication constantly, we've continued to talk about the process at home and with our friends and family. And my husband and I came to a decision that we might want to adjust our thinking, adjust our plans.
When we first started talking about Foster and Adoption, the idea was to do Fostering first. I have a heart for older kids in Foster Care that often get overlooked because of their age. It breaks my heart to know that a lot of these kids are never adopted, and are just sort of left to their own devices after they turn 18 and graduate high school. There are programs to help them make the adjustment from kid in Foster Care to adult out on their own, but they're underutilized, and I think with reason. I can't imagine that if I'd spent the majority of my childhood in the state system, that'd I'd want to stick around for advice on how to be an adult from that system.
Anyhow, so, when we first started talking about Foster Care, it was with those older kids in mind. Granted, we want to get licensed for kids 0-18, because it's not all about teenagers, we just want to help kids that need homes and parents. But, those teens have never been far from my mind. And the second half of that family assessment, in which our worker asked us question after question about how we'd parent a kid in our home, questions we had no real answers to because we've never been parents before...those have stuck with us in the past weeks.
It's made us reevaluate the process, and the path we thought we'd decided upon. So, after a little bit of research about in-state adoption of kids in the foster program, I sent an email to our worker to ask what the adoption process really entails. Our thinking now is that while we still really want to do the Foster program, and finishing up the licensing to be foster parents, we might want to go the adoption route first. I'd always thought that adoption - no matter what the age/situation of the child - might cost tens of thousands of dollars. After a little digging, I see that might not be the case (though I'm waiting for confirmation from our worker about that).
If that's true, the fact that we're at the point in the process where we could start looking for a kid to join our family now? Well that's pretty exciting.
When we first started talking about Foster and Adoption, the idea was to do Fostering first. I have a heart for older kids in Foster Care that often get overlooked because of their age. It breaks my heart to know that a lot of these kids are never adopted, and are just sort of left to their own devices after they turn 18 and graduate high school. There are programs to help them make the adjustment from kid in Foster Care to adult out on their own, but they're underutilized, and I think with reason. I can't imagine that if I'd spent the majority of my childhood in the state system, that'd I'd want to stick around for advice on how to be an adult from that system.
Anyhow, so, when we first started talking about Foster Care, it was with those older kids in mind. Granted, we want to get licensed for kids 0-18, because it's not all about teenagers, we just want to help kids that need homes and parents. But, those teens have never been far from my mind. And the second half of that family assessment, in which our worker asked us question after question about how we'd parent a kid in our home, questions we had no real answers to because we've never been parents before...those have stuck with us in the past weeks.
It's made us reevaluate the process, and the path we thought we'd decided upon. So, after a little bit of research about in-state adoption of kids in the foster program, I sent an email to our worker to ask what the adoption process really entails. Our thinking now is that while we still really want to do the Foster program, and finishing up the licensing to be foster parents, we might want to go the adoption route first. I'd always thought that adoption - no matter what the age/situation of the child - might cost tens of thousands of dollars. After a little digging, I see that might not be the case (though I'm waiting for confirmation from our worker about that).
If that's true, the fact that we're at the point in the process where we could start looking for a kid to join our family now? Well that's pretty exciting.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Sharing the News
When you're taking the MAPP class, you're encouraged to talk to people about your decision to Foster/Adopt. Part of the whole process is about addressing what you're doing and why. It came as a surprise to me to find out how hesitant people were to share their decisions with family and friends. Is there such a stigma about fostering or adopting children that people don't want to talk about it? I hope not, I don't think so. I think maybe there's a combination of embarrassment with a little bit of self-esteem issues, because inevitably one of the first questions you're going to be asked when people find out is "Why?". People want to know why you're planning to foster or adopt. But, it was a surprise to me how many people don't share with friends and family that they're considering Foster or Adoption until they're a long way into the process.
For us, we talk about EVERYTHING all the time. It never even occurred to me that we wouldn't talk about our decisions with our friends and family. Answering questions from friends and family can be difficult for various reasons: they don't know the process, they don't understand why you're doing it, or they don't even think you should do it. Whatever the reason, getting it out in the open and having that dialogue with friends and family can help you think more about the process, even when comments are negative.
We had the second half of our family assessment with our new worker recently, and this idea of communication came up OVER AND OVER again. I think we answered over half of the questions with something like: "We'll talk about it". Many of the questions in the second half of the assessment were all about how we might parent, or how we might react to certain behaviors or types of kids, ect. But, not having kids, almost all of our answers were about communication - we'll figure it out by talking to each other, using the family and friend resources we having, and talking to whatever kid is in our home about whatever the situation is.
Here's the list as it currently stands:
- Copy of my Drivers License (Emailing this to her today)
- Pet Vaccination Records for Jazz
- Sample Menu (NEW from worker 12/2) (Emailed worker to get this form)
- Vehicle Mechanical Check (NEW from worker 12/2) (Slightly annoyed about this requirement since I live in a state that does not require checks for vehicle licensing, so it's not something I have laying around, which means we have to spend time & money to get it done.)
- Copy of Taxes from this year or last year (NEW from worker 1/4) (depending on how long it takes us to get this year's done) (didn't need these after all)
Then there's the classes that still remain:
- CPR & First Aid training (someplace that will give us a physical paper certificate when we finish training)- 2 classes through the website (Matt's done one of these, I haven't done either, but I signed up for both of them yesterday.)
For us, we talk about EVERYTHING all the time. It never even occurred to me that we wouldn't talk about our decisions with our friends and family. Answering questions from friends and family can be difficult for various reasons: they don't know the process, they don't understand why you're doing it, or they don't even think you should do it. Whatever the reason, getting it out in the open and having that dialogue with friends and family can help you think more about the process, even when comments are negative.
We had the second half of our family assessment with our new worker recently, and this idea of communication came up OVER AND OVER again. I think we answered over half of the questions with something like: "We'll talk about it". Many of the questions in the second half of the assessment were all about how we might parent, or how we might react to certain behaviors or types of kids, ect. But, not having kids, almost all of our answers were about communication - we'll figure it out by talking to each other, using the family and friend resources we having, and talking to whatever kid is in our home about whatever the situation is.
Here's the list as it currently stands:
- Pet Vaccination Records for Jazz
- Vehicle Mechanical Check (NEW from worker 12/2) (Slightly annoyed about this requirement since I live in a state that does not require checks for vehicle licensing, so it's not something I have laying around, which means we have to spend time & money to get it done.)
Then there's the classes that still remain:
- CPR & First Aid training (someplace that will give us a physical paper certificate when we finish training)- 2 classes through the website (Matt's done one of these, I haven't done either, but I signed up for both of them yesterday.)
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Post Meeting
Our new worker is a fresh face. I'm pretty sure that she's younger than both my husband and I, which means she's got to be early-twenties. I'm also guessing that she's extremely new to her job, because she didn't know a lot of the reasons behind why they needed certain information from us.
Here's one of the most frustrating parts of this paperwork part of the progress: they always need more, and you never just get one big list of what they need.
When our first (the one we had while we were still in class) worker gave us a pile of paperwork. On top of the paperwork was a checklist of things they'd need from us - basically anything that was in that pile that needed to be turned in, the classes we had to take, and the copies of our things (licences, insurance, fingerprints) they'd need.
Since then, we've been asked for several additional things that were never on that original list. I point of fact, my checklist is complete (as far as paperwork goes) but there's still more things I have to turn in.
Here's the list as it currently stands:
- Copy of my Drivers License (Emailing this to her today)
- Pet Vaccination Records for Jazz
- Sample Menu (NEW from worker 12/2) (Emailed worker to get this form)
- Vehicle Mechanical Check (NEW from worker 12/2) (Slightly annoyed about this requirement since I live in a state that does not require checks for vehicle licensing, so it's not something I have laying around, which means we have to spend time & money to get it done.)
- Copy of Taxes from this year or last year (NEW from worker 1/4) (depending on how long it takes us to get this year's done)
Then there's the classes that still remain:
- CPR & First Aid training (someplace that will give us a physical paper certificate when we finish training)
- 2 classes through the website (Matt's done one of these, I haven't done either, but I signed up for both of them yesterday.)
While she was here yesterday, we learned that she didn't know how many workers we'd already had. She has no clue why they want our taxes, only that they do. She informed us that the fingerprint records aren't actually for Foster Care, they're for the contracting company that does the safety walkthrough on the house (when we get to that part).
We also started what they call our "Family Assessment" which is a LONG talk about our individual families, history, childhoods, education - everything. It's supposed to give a more well-rounded look at how you're family relationships and own personal history has changed and influenced who you are today. The biggest problem doing this last night for both of us was that the questions are EXTREMELY vague.
"What are your values and beliefs?"
ABOUT WHAT? That's not a real question, though I have a feeling that there's a large sub-section of people out there with certain religious values, or "American" values that have no problem rattling off a list of generic values/beliefs. Now, if you ask me a specific question, I'll give you a better answer.
I'm also willing to assume that a more experienced worker would have a better idea of what kind of answers they're looking for and be able to ask more leading follow-up questions to get more specific answers out of people like me.
We got through the extreme mess that is my family and history, did a bit about our relationship and stuff as a couple, and then she quickly ran through the family and history questions for my husband - his is much easier to get through. According to the worker, we still have a bit more to get through. It took about an hour and a half last night, and we've probably got about an hour and a half of Q&A left to get through.
Here's one of the most frustrating parts of this paperwork part of the progress: they always need more, and you never just get one big list of what they need.
When our first (the one we had while we were still in class) worker gave us a pile of paperwork. On top of the paperwork was a checklist of things they'd need from us - basically anything that was in that pile that needed to be turned in, the classes we had to take, and the copies of our things (licences, insurance, fingerprints) they'd need.
Since then, we've been asked for several additional things that were never on that original list. I point of fact, my checklist is complete (as far as paperwork goes) but there's still more things I have to turn in.
Here's the list as it currently stands:
- Copy of my Drivers License (Emailing this to her today)
- Pet Vaccination Records for Jazz
- Sample Menu (NEW from worker 12/2) (Emailed worker to get this form)
- Vehicle Mechanical Check (NEW from worker 12/2) (Slightly annoyed about this requirement since I live in a state that does not require checks for vehicle licensing, so it's not something I have laying around, which means we have to spend time & money to get it done.)
- Copy of Taxes from this year or last year (NEW from worker 1/4) (depending on how long it takes us to get this year's done)
Then there's the classes that still remain:
- CPR & First Aid training (someplace that will give us a physical paper certificate when we finish training)
- 2 classes through the website (Matt's done one of these, I haven't done either, but I signed up for both of them yesterday.)
While she was here yesterday, we learned that she didn't know how many workers we'd already had. She has no clue why they want our taxes, only that they do. She informed us that the fingerprint records aren't actually for Foster Care, they're for the contracting company that does the safety walkthrough on the house (when we get to that part).
We also started what they call our "Family Assessment" which is a LONG talk about our individual families, history, childhoods, education - everything. It's supposed to give a more well-rounded look at how you're family relationships and own personal history has changed and influenced who you are today. The biggest problem doing this last night for both of us was that the questions are EXTREMELY vague.
"What are your values and beliefs?"
ABOUT WHAT? That's not a real question, though I have a feeling that there's a large sub-section of people out there with certain religious values, or "American" values that have no problem rattling off a list of generic values/beliefs. Now, if you ask me a specific question, I'll give you a better answer.
I'm also willing to assume that a more experienced worker would have a better idea of what kind of answers they're looking for and be able to ask more leading follow-up questions to get more specific answers out of people like me.
We got through the extreme mess that is my family and history, did a bit about our relationship and stuff as a couple, and then she quickly ran through the family and history questions for my husband - his is much easier to get through. According to the worker, we still have a bit more to get through. It took about an hour and a half last night, and we've probably got about an hour and a half of Q&A left to get through.
Monday, January 3, 2011
2011 is a New (and Different) Year (we hope)
Tomorrow, my husband and I have a meeting with our 4th Foster Care Worker. Fourth. It's a little disheartening that it's taken this long to get a meeting set-up with her. Especially after I emailed her three or four times in the process of transferring from our previous worker and verifying our to do list, and she never once emailed me back. She called like two weeks ago and only mentioned that she'd seen the emails after I prodded about them, but didn't give an excuse to why she hadn't been in touch sooner.
Anyway. So this means that we've got a worker that I'm already feeling a bit antagonistic against and we've still got outstanding paperwork to do. Paperwork and the 2 web classes we have to do are on tonight's agenda.
Here's the list as it stands, with notes:
- Paper with Dimension for the Bedroom, and the window in the bedroom
- Copies of Matt's Drivers License and Insurance, Copy of my Drivers License and Insurance (doing this now at work to take home)
- Pet Vaccination Records forSekhi & Sebastian (the Cats), Piper & Jazz (the Dogs) (Found the cat's, still need Jazz's.)
- Emergency Contact List still needs a hospital phone number (I think?)
- 3 Paystubs to prove Matt's employment (he can print these out at work today)
- Marriage License (So much easier to find than I thought it'd be.)
- Sample Menu (NEW from worker 12/2) (I imagine this is going to be fairly easy, I'll have to print out the form the third worker sent us to find out what they really want to know.)
- Vehicle Mechanical Check (NEW from worker 12/2) (Slightly annoyed about this requirement since I live in a state that does not require checks for vehicle licensing, so it's not something I have laying around, which means we have to spend time & money to get it done.)
Then there's the classes that still remain:
- CPR & First Aid training (someplace that will give us a physical paper certificate when we finish training)
- 2 classes through the website (Matt's done one of these, I haven't done either. Should only take an hour or so for each. Will have to track down the links to the site.)
I have ONE goal for this year. And that's to finish this process - the whole thing. I want to be licensed before the end of 2011.
Anyway. So this means that we've got a worker that I'm already feeling a bit antagonistic against and we've still got outstanding paperwork to do. Paperwork and the 2 web classes we have to do are on tonight's agenda.
Here's the list as it stands, with notes:
- Pet Vaccination Records for
- Emergency Contact List still needs a hospital phone number (I think?)
- 3 Paystubs to prove Matt's employment (he can print these out at work today)
- Sample Menu (NEW from worker 12/2) (I imagine this is going to be fairly easy, I'll have to print out the form the third worker sent us to find out what they really want to know.)
- Vehicle Mechanical Check (NEW from worker 12/2) (Slightly annoyed about this requirement since I live in a state that does not require checks for vehicle licensing, so it's not something I have laying around, which means we have to spend time & money to get it done.)
Then there's the classes that still remain:
- CPR & First Aid training (someplace that will give us a physical paper certificate when we finish training)
- 2 classes through the website (Matt's done one of these, I haven't done either. Should only take an hour or so for each. Will have to track down the links to the site.)
I have ONE goal for this year. And that's to finish this process - the whole thing. I want to be licensed before the end of 2011.
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